This is a tell all kinda deal. See not much is known about how Military Sexual Trauma or MST is handled in the Military maybe if a enough people know about my experience they can stand up and make sure that other victims and survivors get better treatment.
In the Military there are two kinds of reporting. There is you Restricted and Unrestricted reporting. The basic definition of each has been explained on my face book page before but here is another brief explanation. Restricted means that a victim receives medical and mental health care but there is no charges, chain of command is left out of the loop, and the attacker gets away with it scot free. Unrestricted means there is a report filed with the military police and a case is opened evidence is collected, chain of command is notified, mental and medical treatments are made available as well.
Now on to my tell all. I waited a month to report what happened to me. It was never explained the different ways to report rape so I went to my Sgt. Wait I am getting ahead of myself, I waited a month because the guy was in my unit and he had threatened to kill me. I had sought medical treatment but lied and said I had fallen and that was why I was so beat up. They didn't question it, though they really should have.. Anyway, he started making more advnaceds I got scared so I went AWOL for a few days until a girl from my unit called me and said he had left the unit and was coming to find me. I went back and went to my sarg and told him everything. The man cried when I told him and sent me to the unit SARC (which happened to be another male) - Sexual Assault Response Coordinator. That was when I was informed of the different choices however since I made my initial report to my sarg those choices were taken from me it was an automatic unrestricted report. All because I didn't know I had to talk to the SARC to make it restricted. So, with that I was sent to CID-Criminal Investigations Division where a female civiilan SARC met up with me. It took me three hours to tell them everything answer all their questions through the tears and panic attacks I kept having. After that was all done they sent me back to my unit. I was a wreck, emotionally, physically and mentally. I had been keeping so much in and now that it was out.
As the days went by I got worse and worse my nightmares got bad, I was having constant flash backs, and my anxiety level was through the roof just waiting for him to come back and kill me like he had promised. I was sent to mental health where they weren't interested in giving me support and help but more worried about getting me on meds and sending me back to my unit. This didn't help, I was separated from my support system, my family and friends. I felt so alone and no one wanted to help me. The news of what happened spread like wild fire it always does in units everyone knows.
Then it started, the abuse by my peers. In formations I would get shoved, during PT I would get pushed or tripped. There were nasty comments thrown around "How could she do that to him" "She probably asked for it" "He could never do something like that" "He is such a good guy shes just ruining his life" and much much more. I got called a slut, a whore, and even had guys coming up to me grabbing my ass or chest as they walked by. I was losing it, I couldn't stand to be around people anymore without having a crippling anxiety or panic attack. This got me in to trouble with my command they didn't want a soldier who was losing her mind so I got written up a few times. Then the news came that I was being forced out. I felt like I was losing everything. By this time I had started talking to my now husband on the phone we had grown close but I hadn't told him until the night that I tried to kill myself. I wasn't talking much I was depressed and frustrated with everything and I was thinking about killing myself. I told him everything and then when it was time to hang up.... I told him how I felt about him how I had always felt about him and told him good bye because I wanted him to know before I died. He got worried, I had gone into the shower and wasn't answering my phone and there I slit my wrists open. He called my command and they found me in the shower. I was told later that if they had been any later I probably would have succeeded. I spent two days in the hospital where they gave me blood and more pills. Then I was sent back to my unit. After that they were in a rush to get me out before x-mas and they succeeded. I left December 13th. They dropped me at the airport and that was it.
If I had gotten the help I needed, if someone had stopped and paid attention to the woman in pain maybe I could have stayed in and I wouldn't be this bad off six years later...
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