Yes you, I am talking to you mom's the ones that have mental illnesses. Those that feel like they need to be perfect, those of you that are so stressed out you don't know what to do with yourselves. I am talking to you.
Stop being so hard on yourself. *snort* okay that was horrible to say cause what I am going to write some letter that is going to be so insperational that all your problems are just going to go away. Right cause I am just that good. Nah let's get sierous here for a moment. I know what you are going through maybe not your indivdual situation but I know. I am there, right now ready to pull my hair out, I am right there trying to hold it all together well inside you are falling apart. I know what you are going through and you arn't alone.
People like to tell us to get help, or to stop being so... so us because they don't know how to handle it don't know how to give you support the way you need and most of us are to scared or stubborn to tell them how they can help or hell we may not even know until they do something that helps.
This is hard enough to deal with when you don't have kids but we are moms, we have a child(ren) so there is someone depending on us. This makes everything so much worse because all we want to do is be everything for our child(ren) but some times we just can't. I can't tell you how many days I have been unable to be there fully for my children. I have spent some days where all I can do is the basic necessities but everything else is just to much and I hate myself for it. Somedays I look in the mirror and I hate myself with a passion because I am not who I want to be.
"Well if you don't want to be that way make a change" that isn't easy, and somedays I don't feel like it's worth it to try because dealing with mental illness isn't just oh here I will get pills and be fine because for some that may work but for others it doesn't battling mental illness is always an on going process.
The other night I attended a support group for sexual abuse/assault survivors I go every week and one girl said "What's the point in trying, we are always going to be damaged, always going to have issues for the rest of our lives it seems like all we do is fight and fight to heal and we make a little progress and then we are right back where we started or worse off then we were before what's the point?" I realized then that I was right there with her and I hadn't known that until she said it that I feel that exact same way too. What is the point? For the rest of my life I will have flash backs and nightmares for the rest of my life what I went through will taint my life because of lasting physical and psychological scars. "It gets better" at least that is what we are told but when does it get better? When will I be able to look at the world and not be scared to death that something like that will happen again or worse yet to my daughter. Does it get better? Truly better? "Only time can tell" I am sick of putting in so much time it's been 6 years, 6 years I have been fighting and trying to get to a place where I am not so messed up in the head and god damnit I am tired, I am so tired.
It's not easy, no... not easy at all. We try so hard to push through our lives but are we really there? Can we enjoy it fully? I don't know, I don't think I am there. I get discourged, because just when I think I can start enjoying my life again something happens and I am thrown right back into the middle of the pain.
Do we keep fighting? Do we spend our lives fighting and never being able to relax? I don't know if I can do that can you?
People like to tell us to get help, or to stop being so... so us because they don't know how to handle it don't know how to give you support the way you need and most of us are to scared or stubborn to tell them how they can help or hell we may not even know until they do something that helps.
This is hard enough to deal with when you don't have kids but we are moms, we have a child(ren) so there is someone depending on us. This makes everything so much worse because all we want to do is be everything for our child(ren) but some times we just can't. I can't tell you how many days I have been unable to be there fully for my children. I have spent some days where all I can do is the basic necessities but everything else is just to much and I hate myself for it. Somedays I look in the mirror and I hate myself with a passion because I am not who I want to be.
"Well if you don't want to be that way make a change" that isn't easy, and somedays I don't feel like it's worth it to try because dealing with mental illness isn't just oh here I will get pills and be fine because for some that may work but for others it doesn't battling mental illness is always an on going process.
The other night I attended a support group for sexual abuse/assault survivors I go every week and one girl said "What's the point in trying, we are always going to be damaged, always going to have issues for the rest of our lives it seems like all we do is fight and fight to heal and we make a little progress and then we are right back where we started or worse off then we were before what's the point?" I realized then that I was right there with her and I hadn't known that until she said it that I feel that exact same way too. What is the point? For the rest of my life I will have flash backs and nightmares for the rest of my life what I went through will taint my life because of lasting physical and psychological scars. "It gets better" at least that is what we are told but when does it get better? When will I be able to look at the world and not be scared to death that something like that will happen again or worse yet to my daughter. Does it get better? Truly better? "Only time can tell" I am sick of putting in so much time it's been 6 years, 6 years I have been fighting and trying to get to a place where I am not so messed up in the head and god damnit I am tired, I am so tired.
It's not easy, no... not easy at all. We try so hard to push through our lives but are we really there? Can we enjoy it fully? I don't know, I don't think I am there. I get discourged, because just when I think I can start enjoying my life again something happens and I am thrown right back into the middle of the pain.
Do we keep fighting? Do we spend our lives fighting and never being able to relax? I don't know if I can do that can you?
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